Persepolis - Party Jokes

#3717	Submitted by Farhad in Belgium	Score: 0
The Americans and Japanese decided to engage in a boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance levels. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action. The consultant’s finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering: the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared again the following year, the American’s team management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive. The next year, the Japanese won by TWO miles! Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.
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#3716	Submitted by Parvaneh in USA	Score: 0
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the hot-shot young Engineer, fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The engineer coolly said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - for starters, say, a red Corvette?” The young engineer tried to control his excitement, but sat straight up and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” “Yeah,” the interviewer smiled, “But you started it.”
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#3714	Submitted by Mehran in USA	Score: 8
A magazine ran a “Dilbert Quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some submissions: As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.) What I need is a specific list of the unknown problems which we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping) E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company) This project is so important, we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service) Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.) Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.” (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation) My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday, Valentine’s Day. When I told my Boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.” (Shipping executive, FTD Florists) “We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.” (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division) We recently received a memo from senior management saying: “This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above.” (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division) One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, “If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!” (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)
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#3712	Submitted by Fariborz in Ireland	Score: 0
One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, “Don’t forget to use wooden spoons.” As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. “Why wooden spoons?” I asked. “Because,” she replied, “if I have to sit here listening to all your metal spoons banging against metal pots, I’d go nuts.”
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